id be glad to
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
