Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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