just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
