i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
well you can't waste a boner
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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