Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
