And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
