just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
