these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
