Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize