My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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