Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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