this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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