I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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