How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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