Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
