New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
