3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
