just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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