So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
