HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
