maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
