I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
