I just pynch a tree in the face
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
