I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
