i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
