so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
