well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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