Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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