Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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