uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
