Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize