There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
