my sisters under your porch take her home
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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