oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
