haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
