His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
