my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
