The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Someone signed my nipple.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
