Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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