did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
