puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
