"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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