so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
