bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
