dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
