i think my tv is drunk
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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