They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
