dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
