people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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