Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
