blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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