Operation Purity has been aborted
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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