watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Someone signed my nipple.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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