worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't deserve a penis
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
