Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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