I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
