so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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