i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
