it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
