I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
