i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
