I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
