i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
