I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
