I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
