No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
